Twice. His energy, strength and spirit have brought me out of my self-pitying slump twice. I first found out about the Carnegie Mellon computer science professor's 'Last Lecture' on YouTube when a friend (Thanks, Chih!) posted the link on FB commemorating his life. I had no idea who he was then but was curious. So I clicked.
Blown away. I was absolutely blown away, not particularly with the content of his lecture (To be honest, I think all inspirational speeches give the same or similar message.) but simply with him as a human being.
Having witnessed how cancer can torture one's soul, I believe it takes a real strong character for someone in his conditions to speak the way he did in front of an audience. There was not a single shred of doubt, hate or even pessimism. Pure positive spirit and genuine warmth were what I felt throughout the entire lecture. (LOL It did kind of made me regret not going to CMU for undergrad.) How he had achieved that was seriously beyond my imagination. Everyone has the ability to stay strong and sound optimistic under turmoil but the underlying despair would still somehow unwittingly sieve through. Not with Randy. I could not feel anything negative whatsoever, at least not during those 75 minutes. He was absolutely brilliant!
That was 2 years ago. Randy had gradually migrated to the back of my head. Earlier this year, I was going through some personal insecurities. I admit it. It's the dreaded quarter-life crisis. I don't deny that most people around my age are a bunch of spoil brats, myself included, who think that we deserve everything in the world and that the world should run the way we want it to. When the unfortunate happens, as we like to call it, we whine, complain, say the world is not fair, and feel sorry for ourselves. To be fair, it's hard for us not to think that way. We were, or at least I was, brought up having everything that we wanted in the world and having the world run the way we wanted it to.
Anyway, Randy re-emerged back to my consciousness. I decided to buy his book. I guess a good beating is what I would call the experience of reading his book was. It slapped me out of my insecurities and kicked my self-pitying butt out of the slump. Life once again was back to charging full speed forward. Until...
A brick wall. I am currently hitting a HUGE brick wall, as Randy would call it. A wall that I am not confident I can break through. A wall that, even right now, seems like a never-ending inevitablity. Remember a couple months ago when I said I was craving to feel challenged. Yesterday I would tell you I want to take that ALL back. I don't want to feel challenged anymore. It's too much stress, too many bruises to my ego. I wholeheartedly LOATHE feeling incompetent.
Randy Pausch reappeared. Boy, am I glad I watched his lecture again today. "The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something," was the central theme of his lecture. I asked myself, "How badly do I want this?" Bad. Very very BAD. "Ok. Put your retarded ego aside and go break that wall, JY!!!", I finally got the courage to say to myself.
I highly encourage everyone to either watch his lecture or read his book. (<-- Click on the links to access them.) I actually don't recommend doing both because they are practically the same thing. The book just gives a little more details about his life. I know some people, espeically men, don't believe in these gushy, self-help type of talks. But his lecture is still entertaining and fun to watch even without the emotional aspect. He is just an incredible lecturer! I wish I could have had the chance to attend one in person. RIP, Randy Pausch.
升呢
我這半個"祝星"(LOL 我知道是錯別字，我已說過我的中文是很爛的！)剛剛學懂什麼是"升呢"，我覺得人一定要不斷升呢。其實，香港教育最失敗之處不是填鴨式教育，而是忽略了教導如何做一個有用的人，令到許多現今的港男港女沒有思想、沒有目標、沒有要讓自己升呢的想法和行動。
不過要讓自己升呢是一件很艱苦的事，一定要克服很多次的失敗才能進一小步。看看最近紅爆的林欣彤，她唱完Desperado的時候在幾十萬觀眾面前被Theresa老師罵唱錯key，然後要她當場重唱，當時的難堪和壓力，我想做觀眾的我們是很難想像的。雖然最後都得了冠軍，實至名歸，但也要經歷聲帶發炎的傷痛才能得到，真的得來不易！試問有幾多人可以有這樣的耐力來克服那麼多挑戰呢？！
我也將要面臨很多考驗，其實最難克服的是自己的心魔，不順的時候，有時真的很難向好處想，我要不斷和心魔交戰才能平息那些猜疑和挫敗感，不要讓自己氣餒，身心真的會有點累。
不過無論未來有幾多挑戰、幾多辛酸，我也不會放棄的！我寫這個post不是為告訴大家我未來有很多考驗，而是希望能和大家找到共鳴，鼓勵一下大家要繼續升呢，不要放棄喔！！
1 comments:
One part that I found very memorable in his book is when he took his nephew out in his new car, he poured a can of coke into the seats so to remind his nephews that 'things are just things'.
Not sure if many people would agree with his particular action but I do find him an amazing character.
I never watched the actual lecture, though.
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